The Ant and the Grasshopper

While I'm posting forwarded emails, here's an old one that just came in again today. It's unfortunate that ants are black as opposed to white, because we wouldn't want anyone to be confused about the message. Thank goodness the author made references to Jesse Jackson, Oprah, the EEOC, and welfare recipients to make it clear.

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER STORY

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

Moral of the Story: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

Moral of the Story: Be careful how you vote in 2008.

Here's the lefty version (a little too lefty for my taste, but it's okay):

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house, laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper takes a job at Wal-Mart.

Come winter, the ant finds he has more supplies than he and his family needs, so he invests the surplus in a small business. Due to hard work and shrewd dealing, the ant's company grows into a profitable business.

The grasshopper continues to turn in ten hours a day at Wal-mart.

After thirty years of comfortable middle class existence, the ant sells the company to a large conglomerate, and retires.

The conglomerate immediately fires all the ant's employees and outsources their jobs to India.

The ant's former employees join the grasshopper at Wal-mart.

With the added revenue from outsourcing and downsizing the ant's company, the conglomerate is able to purchase even more politicians who will work hard against peace, unions, the environment, the poor, the middle class, and anything that might inhibit the corporate bottom line.

The grasshopper and the ant's former employees demand that Wal-mart pay them for overtime but are told they are exempt -- because they are 'managers.' The case makes it to the Supreme Court, where Reagan and Bush appointees rule in favor of Wal-mart, admonishing the plaintiffs to 'go home and feel lucky to even have jobs, what with all the outsourcing going on these days.'

The conglomerate also buys CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS and many radio stations and news periodicals to keep the ants and grasshoppers from knowing how dramatically the deck has been stacked against them. And with demagogic politicians and the media in its pocket, the conglomerate finds it very easy to keep the ants and grasshoppers from uniting to demand justice by pitting them against each other with stories of lazy, irresponsible grasshoppers living off of industrious, sober-minded ants.

Moral of the Story: Think critically -- and be very careful how you vote in 2008.

As Long As They're Not Muslim Terrorists...

they're A-OK with McCain. Matthew Yglesias:

Carl H. Lindner Jr. is a businessman who recently co-hosted a big dollar fundraiser for John McCain. He also oversaw the payment of about $1.7 million to a terrorist organization. But that's okay because (a) the terrorists were Latin American rather than Arab, (b) the terrorists were right-wing Latin Americans rather than leftists, and (c) McCain is a straight-talker and the candidate of honor so it's not actually possible for any number of sleazy associations to taint him.

Another Forwarded Message

Here's a charming little racist knee-slapper for you. Enjoy:

A man goes to a public golf course.

He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."

The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the bal l landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.

The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.

As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine.

He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.

But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?"

The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots.

See you next week.

A week passed, and exci ted, the golfer returned to the pro shop.

Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible."

The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance.

It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. "

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President."

Do I think the people that forward these are out wearing white dresses with pointy hats on weekends? Of course not. I'm sure these people are very friendly to minorities and practice no conscious discrimination in their personal or professional lives. But let's not deny that prejudices remain prevalent enough to generate a laugh at a minority's expense and socially acceptable enough to forward to 10 acquaintances.

Comparing New Orleans to the Midwest

To refute anyone who claims racial prejudices no longer exist, I need only dig into my email inbox for a few choice forwarded messages. Here's one that makes an argument also made by Rush Limbaugh:

Just a personal observation...as I watched the news coverage of the massive flooding in the Midwest with over 100 blocks of the city of Cedar Rapids, Iowa under water, levees breaking, and the attention now turned downstream for when this massive amount of water hits the Mississippi, what amazed me is not what we saw, but what we didn't see...

1. We don't see looting.
2. We don't see street violence.
3. We don't see people sitting on their rooftops waiting for the government to come and save them.
4. We don't see people waiting on the government to do anything.
5. We don't see Hollywood organizing benefits to raise money for people to rebuild.
6. We don't see people blaming President Bush.
7. We don't see people ignoring evacuation orders.
8. We don't see people blaming a government conspiracy to blow up the levees as the reason some have not held.
9. We don't see the US Senators or the Governor of Iowa crying on TV.
10. We don't see the Mayors of any of these cities complaining about the lack of state or federal response.
11. We don't see or hear reports of the police going around confiscating personal firearms so only the criminal will be armed.
12. We don't see gangs of people going around and randomly shooting at the rescue workers.
13. You don't see some leaders in this country blaming the bad behavior of the Iowa flood victims on "society" (of course there are no wide spread reports of
    lawlessness to require excuses).

Re: Iowa vs. Louisiana:

Where are all of the Hollywood celebrities holding telethons asking for help in restoring Iowa and helping the folks affected by the floods?

Where is all the media asking the tough questions about why the federal government hasn't solved the problem? Asking where the FEMA trucks (and trailers) are?

Why isn't the Federal Government relocating Iowa people to free hotels in Chicago?

When will Spike Lee say that the Federal Government blew up the levees that failed in Des Moines?

Where are Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks?

Where are all the looters stealing high-end tennis shoes and bigscreen television sets?

When will we hear Governor Chet Culver say that he wants to rebuild a "vanilla" Iowa, because that's the way God wants it?

Where is the hysterical 24/7 media coverage complete with reports of cannibalism?

Where are the people declaring that George Bush hates white, rural people?

How come in 2 weeks, you will never hear about the Iowa flooding ever again?

There are the obvious points that a Category 4 hurricane is different from slowly rising river waters, that there are many more escape routes out of the Midwest, and that governments may have learned something from Katrina. But I'll refer you to Tim Wise for a full explanation why this is an inappropriate comparison and the wrong conclusions are being drawn from it.

In Defense of Flip-Flops

Ruth Marcus brings some sanity to the discussion:

When it comes to flip-flops, one candidate's outrageous reversal can be another's welcome pragmatism. Liberal bloggers are flaying Obama for a "craven" flip-flop because he once vowed to filibuster any wiretapping bill providing immunity for telecommunications providers. Now he plans to vote for one.

Smart politics, yes, but also sensible as a matter of substance. Whatever your position on immunity, crafting a workable wiretapping regime for the future, not punishing companies for past transgressions, should be the central issue in the debate over the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. If Obama is edging toward the center on this, or on free trade, we should praise the flip, not hate the flopper.

Indeed, some flip-flops might even be evidence of open-mindedness -- not a bad attribute in a president, as the past eight years have taught. The downside to flip-flop politics is making politicians reluctant to change course lest they be exposed to accusations of spinelessness.

Take one example that supposedly shows McCain in a bad light. I'm a lot more interested in whether it makes sense to lift the moratorium on offshore drilling in light of higher energy prices, changed geopolitical circumstances and improved technology than I am in whether McCain has flipped on this issue.

538 Update

Patriotism is not Nationalism

According to Jonah Goldberg, Obama isn't patriotic because he doesn't love his country in the uncritical way a child loves a parent. That's not patriotism - it's nationalism.